Hey, Blog, remember me?

I'm emerging... Out of the clouds and haze of having a newborn for a whole month now (really? 4 weeks already?), but also trying to solidify a few things I've been ruminating on for a while. I hate to say something as vague as that and tell you I'll be more specific later, but that's exactly what I'm going to do. My time is limited these days with caring for the older boys and attempting to nurse the wee one, so as I'm able to add to the growing drafts in my folder, I'll share my thoughts here.

Quickly, though, I can say some blogging changes will be happening, probably piecemeal due to that whole time thing, but the first one I'll start with is my kids' names. I've thought and re-thought about their monikers, and decided that at the end of the day I'm okay using their given names. So blog, meet Shea (aka Bear), Connor (aka Bunkin), and of course the newest Avery. These little men, along with their awesome daddy known as Hunny, are the light of my life and the happenings of my days, and as I write about them I will keep in mind their safety and what is acceptable to be posted on the Internet.

There may also be some format and background changes, as well as a possible URL change, so bear with any construction issues, please!

Other than Avery's arrival (more on that in a minute), our lives have been busy with hosting company for a week and some uncertainty with Hunny's job security. The dust of company has settled but alas, work has not. If you are a praying person and would like to pray for clarity and peace, we'll take it! Having my friend Amy here was a powerful tool to incite some action on my part. At first, I was very homesick for Memphis and friends there (church! community!), and I still am. But after some discussion, Hunny and I feel we moved here for a reason, and we want to make a good faith effort at figuring that out. We'd like to honor our lease, which still has one year, and to take that time to really be proactive with relationships, both for us and for the boys. So, hopefully you'll hear lots more on those successes! Down with loneliness!! Part of that means I continue to lie low online so that I can pursue real-life friendships, maintain some sort of cleanliness at home, as well as support Hunny as much as I can while he seeks a new job or stays where he is.


On to the picture-heavy part of the post!! That's what you were waiting on anyway, right?

Remember this picture (scroll down just a bit) of Phineas and Connor? Well, same photo-op but with Phineas and Avery:

Yup, Phinny still thinks my lap/the Boppy is for his personal use despite being occupied. And a little side note: he's expecting a litter of his own. Sigh... yes, our other cat Mia is pregnant. The kittens should be pretty darn cute, though!

And here is Avery's solo act; don't you love how newborns literally just surrender to sleep (even if it is on their schedule!)?
And, Elizabeth, if you're looking at these pictures, I promise we don't just have Arkansas apparel, despite my t-shirt and the one of Avery here and on my blog! Just sayin'!

What I love about Avery now: his faux-hawk (well, it also looks like the tuft of hair, er, feathers, on a duckling called Fuzzworth); his gas or dream induced grins-they're totally lopsided; his spindly little limbs...Shea and Connor were much more stout than he is; and his complete and utter mellow-ness. He's so chill all the time (except when he's hungry or gassy, and those you expect and desire!), it's strange. But in a good kind of way. :) I still can't figure out who he looks like, so that'll be fun to watch.
Anyway, that's all for now... I'll be back soon!

Cloth diaper giveaway!

Oh my, way too much time has passed since my last post, but please, if you are praying for Josiah and his parents, continue to do so! I know Merri and Stephen have appreciated everyone who has lifted their sweet family in prayer!!

I have so much to write about and catch things up, but I'll start with OH MY GOODNESS, I have less than 50 days til this baby is born!!!! There's a lot that goes into that (while I'm technically 31 weeks, I'll be delivering by 38 weeks at the latest... so soon!), which of course means my mind is in overdrive!

One of the things I'm most excited about doing with this little man is starting him in cloth from the beginning. Since potty training is nonexistent not working at this point with Bear, I may have three kids in diapers, which means a lot of money! One of the reasons I never started Bear and Bunkin in cloth from their hospital days was my prefolds were just so huge on them. As I wrote before, I have some newborn sized dipes, and I'm very excited to get going with them!
As an additional boon, Simple Mom is giving away some cloth diapering options on her website. She has an EXCELLENT series on cloth diapering if you haven't heard me laud them enough! She has a great review of several of the major brands, and you or I could potentially be a winner of one of these brands, so go on over and check her out!!

Managing Chaos, part 1

I read this post, and while much of it didn't really relate to where I think I am right now, this line completely connected with me: Managing chaos with beauty, quality, and ruthless simplicity. In my last post I mentioned how I can feel overwhelmed with Life with Littles, and it is precisely this concept of managing chaos that makes me say, "Aha! That's what I need!" But not only do I want to contain some of the craziness, I want to do it with Beauty, Quality, and (this is my favorite part) Ruthless Simplicity. Because I want to figure out in real terms what these three components look like, I'm going to blog a separate post for each of them, detailing how specifically they will work in our life.

In this season with my little guys at home (and one on the way, of course), I want to be diligent and faithful both, not only to them, but to my home and husband as well. And that can feel a bit like juggling puppies at times, let alone seem unsightly (say, when the house is a wreck and Hunny's due home in two hours). That's where Beauty comes in. If you're surrounded with beautiful things, don't you want to take care of them and keep them beautiful? Having finally just bought some new (via Craigslist) furniture, Hunny and I have laughed that we have "grown up" furniture, but the truth is that it's nice! We want to keep it that way, and Hunny's turned into this crazy cleaning machine... he has to straighten the living room every night, and I think that stems in part from the "let's keep this nice" theory. (Well, that and the "hey we spent $x on this and don't want to throw it away!) I've culled the boys' toys from time to time (cross-country moves are a nice incentive), and have decided to do so again so that I can replace some of the obnoxious bright plastic toys with some more classic wooden varieties, or even just toys that encourage more imaginative play. Not that we have to get rid of everything; I'm sure the silicone, oversize "lego" type blocks are just as good as a more natural version; I am, however, looking to get rid of battery-operated thingamajiggies as soon as the batteries no longer cooperate! Following with my last post, I'd also like to set up a specific space for Bear to work with some of the more hands-on activities I'm planning for him, and continue encouraging him to clean up when he's done.

I think I'm learning that beauty can come in several forms, too, for instance, just turning the classical music station on more often than the chatter-filled radio or another pet-themed kid's variety show. I love classical music, but rarely turn it on, so I'm going to aim to choose this musical choice a little more often. I go through phases where I need less sleep just keep the house cleaner than at other times, but I'd also like to go back to my FlyLady days, most specifically the idea that I want to "bless my home" (that's what she actually calls it; I love that it's not "chores," or "housework," don't you?). I'm also going to be a little more proactive to teach the boys to clean up after their first activity before moving on to the second-I get lazy and it's often easier to just do it myself, but that's robbing them of an opportunity to learn.

So, in short, I'm going to keep nice things nice through home blessings, cull the toys to replace lesser quality with a more beautiful and imaginative choice, and be intentional about the sounds and sights of beauty in our home, from cut flowers to music, and most importantly teach my children to love beautiful things and desire to take care of them. What do you think of managing chaos while keeping beauty, simplicity, and quality in mind? How do you keep your home beautiful?

Catching up

I've been blog hopping with the Ultimate Blog Party, but now I have to say I'm a bit pooped with it all! Not because there are bad blogs, just MANY blogs to see and check out! It's been fun, but I'm also in a time of needing to balance* this whole internet + real life thing. I mean, the kids, they hafta eat I hear. However, Hunny has been brilliant in this hellish interim time that I've been sick, so I've been lying low and being a little more still than normal this past week in vain hopes of getting better. [Insert imaginary whine HERE about how much I hate being sick. Because surely an adult woman doesn't complain, especially when she's being taken care of hand and foot?!?]
*Regarding balance: Hunny said something today that I thought was quite profound. We were discussing a blog post I'd read that asked for tips on keeping communication alive in marriage while during the parenting-of-littles stage, and I asked him what advice he'd give. He basically said something to the tune of "yeah, communicating is really important," but then he referenced something I said in another bout of me complaining a conversation about needing to find balance. He said it's not actually about finding balance (apparently, it's over-rated anyway), but rather, it's about finding the happy median. Hmmm..... that makes so much more sense when I think about that. We are in a season of two-under-two-with-one-on-the-way, and there are days (and weeks) that I feel completely overwhelmed with just the everdayness of it all: the laundry that never ceases, the kitchen that won't clean itself, and of course trying to maintain some semblance of peace and order in the home. I've felt pulled and pitted, always thinking in terms of "can't," "not yet," or even "won't" when I need to be thinking in terms of what I CAN do now, which is finding a place that is "good enough" for NOW and be in the moment. I was talking the other day to a friend about being intentional, and I really need to think (and pray!) more about how I can be intentional in each of my relationships right now.
Which brings me to why I'm posting tonight at 11:30 pm. :) I was mindlessly browsing through some Montessori blogs tonight (hello-I cleaned up my Internet sidebar and re-found all these awesome sites!) and this one caught my attention. The idea of making an activity box of things for Bear and I (and even Bunkin) to do together is BRILLIANT, I say! Why did I never think of this before? So often I muddle through my day, admittedly spending way too much time on the computer, and at the end I'm left wondering what the heck I even did all day, let alone how did I spend quality time with Bear. This is why I was even perusing my Montessori blogs; I was looking for age-appropriate activities to start incorporating into our days as well as begin honing in on some ways we can apply a little Montessori-inspired activities for home preschool. The making of our Activity Box is going to be an activity itself, but some of the other ideas that I pulled from that list are:
(disclaimer: I'll paste permalinks later; I'm just trying to get this info down, but most of them are on her list)
-tissue paper candle holder
-bird seed pine cone treats
-stamps/nature stamping
-petting zoo visit or feed the ducks or pet store
-make wool felt balls
-marbleized paper
-dye white flowers
-draw with washable markers and spray with a water bottle
-bake
-glue cotton balls to paper plates
-make ziploc icecream
-make playdough
I'll also put in some Montessori activities for more structured playtime, and of course I'll add those as I read more. Bear is such a routine kid that I think once he gets used to activity time, he'll love it so much. We've never really done this at home, and I'm very excited. I've just got to figure out how to occupy Bunkin while we do some of the not-so-appropriate for his age activities.
Ok, it's officially midnight, and I actually need to be awake early in the morning. Sigh. I'll post more about our activity box and fix the permalinks later. For now, though, I'm going to be praying through being intentional and trying to complain less!

Motherwear's Breastfeeding Carnival

Welcome, Motherwear blog Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

My 2009 Breastfeeding Goals

Since becoming a mother 3 years ago, I have learned more than I thought possible, both about myself and who I would become as a parent. Without having a mother to turn to and ask a lot of specific questions, and only a couple girlfriends who’d had babies before me, I felt lost at times. I’m grateful that I did have a mentor in my life previous to my becoming a mom who casually told me about some of her child-raising experiences including co-sleeping, cloth diapering, child-wearing, and breastfeeding. When I finally had my first son, I knew that for me, not breastfeeding was not an option. That decision cost me a lot of tears in those first few weeks while Shea and I tried to establish a good latch and routine. Sure, I read a few books, some even with great pictures, but I didn’t feel brave enough asking for outside help.
Something magical happened around six weeks when it seemed as if Bear just “got it,” and our nursing experience became the sweet bonding time I’d heard and read about. When my second son was born, I again knew that breastfeeding would be the only way for us. Imagine my dismay when due to some glucose problems he had in the hospital, the nursery staff did not allow me to nurse him for almost our whole duration after labor. I almost gave up completely because he just would not nurse after the ease and ready milk provided by the hospital bottles. It took almost a full 24 hours with both of us frustrated before he gave in, nursed, and we successfully nursed for a year, and now I’m pregnant with my third child.
My breastfeeding goal for 2009 is just to relax and to be brave. With Bear, I discovered a few like-minded moms through AP forums and websites, and I secretly envied their ability to nurse in public with no qualms. With Bunkin, I got much braver and said “My baby comes first!” and was able to feed without too much self-consciousness. My breastfeeding advocacy has been mostly word-of-mouth, encouraging new moms of the benefits of breastfeeding, although I did join the Facebook group Hey, Facebook, Breastfeeding is Not Obscene. For me, relaxing and enjoying this new little one is paramount to what I have planned in 2009. If there are opportunities to share about my experiences, I would love to be an encouragement to any mom or mom-to-be, and encourage her to relax and be brave as well, because breastfeeding is truly a blessing. Breastfeeding is so much more than just milk, although at it's most base, at least it's about that! But thankfully it can also be about closeness, fingers entwined, baby eyelashes against baby cheeks, and that slow, steady breathing that means the world, for a while, is at peace.

(a picture of me and Bunkin when he was about 4 weeks old)


Check out some of the other breastfeeding goals (I'll update as the posts go live!)
Beautifulletdown
Hobomama
zen-mommy
Motherwear
Milkact
Breastfeeding123
Blactating
Breastfeeding123
Mamaknowsbreast
Breastfeedingmums

Random bits

Here's another "bloggy salad" type post to say all those random things in one post.
The one that makes me happiest is I had my first midwife appointment yesterday. YES! I said midwife, and that feels so good to say, especially after meeting her for the first time yesterday. Her office is in the hospital at which I'll be delivering, and it's not like there were fireworks the minute I walked in (!), but the staff (all of them, even the receptionists) were so welcoming and informative. The nurse about chatted my ear off telling me about the way the practice runs and what to expect from a midwife, etc. When I did finally meet her after all the paperwork, it truly was like breathing a breath of fresh air. I know that sounds poetic and exaggerated, but it's not. I've had two rough go's with OBs I didn't care for, and to instantly click with her and know that she potentially would be the one to help me deliver my baby was just.... great. I am still trying for another VBAC, and so far we're on target for that. She was very enthusiastic that I wanted to be proactive this early on with the Gestational Diabetes, and that was encouraging as well. Basically it was a near-perfect experience for me; unfortunately my amazingly sweet husband who knew not only did I want to drive into Dallas for the first time unassisted let alone in the freezing rain, had to drive around w/ the boys in the car the whole time, and Bunkin got quite a bit fussy. The whole visit took 2.5 hours, so I don't blame him for being frustrated, either!!
Can I just say, though, that my boys are officially coming into their own? Bear is quite assertive with his little brother, and has a definite set of likes and dislikes, as well as a possessive streak as big as the state we live in!! Bunkin, not to be deterred, has sheer brute strength going for him, and it is pretty funny watching him successfully wrestle things away from Bear! I think we've got our hands full for the next 18 years! Someone, please send pink dust our way, pleeeeaaaase?
Does anyone have a really good dog-training book or video recommendation? Our little shelter adoptee is not doing very well, and I only remember the vaguest things from when I was obedience training our former dog Coco. I've been looking on the Internet, but as you can imagine, it is an infinite source, meaning that I'm not even sure where to start weeding out unreliable methods/information.
Lastly, I'm amending my "no resolutions/goals in 2009" stance, but that's because this particular issue is very important in terms of our family's health. Hunny has been having some issues that we are narrowing down to diet, so we may be revamping things seriously in the next while, and depending on the diagnosis/outcome, going to a gluten-free diet. I feel challenged by this, but kind of excited, too. I'm not sure if Celiac is hereditary, but I know that my mother and maternal grandmother both have it, so I think limiting or removing gluten from my own diet would probably be healthy. I know I still have a lot to learn about the diet, and I also know that we need to wait for an actual determination from Hunny's appointments. In addition to this dietary change, I will also be eliminating for once and for all (lol) high fructose corn syrup. I'm slightly abashed to admit that the foods that I rely the most on for convenience are those for the kids: waffles in the morning, breaded vegetarian chicken nuggets, etc. I'm trying to slowly steer away from pre-processed and -packaged foods like these, but first and foremost I want to get rid of HFCS. While I'm scrutinizing labels, I figure I'll go by the mantra of "if I can't pronounce more than 3 ingredients, don't get it." I feel it is finally time to engage my actions to follow suit with my heart's desire to feed my family as naturally and healthily as possible. Hunny will still be vegetarian, and I'm aiming for that unless my dietitian tells me to eat meat (I'm staying away from processed soy foods such as tofu, TVP, etc.) for the protein. I'm particularly interested in this experiment as I continue to learn about being frugal and simple, because my own experience has not been very successful with organic/natural foods coupons. It seems to me that buying generic foods is still usually cheaper, as well as coupons are so often for the convenience foods. We have a long road ahead of us as Hunny goes back to school, and there is a lot of motivation for me to truly have as a habit living frugally and on a wise budget so that we can set some money aside for when he has to be in school full-time (and if we're really wise and willing to live tightly, I won't have to work during that time). Phew! That was a lot of information!!
Anyway, I think that's it for now... sorry for such a random lot of uninteresting details!!

Golden-hearted

My little boy is just great. Not all the time in that Mommy-thinks-I'm-an-angel kind of way, but truly, he has a golden heart. I'm talking about Bear, and I need these little reminders sometimes. Tonight at the mall my sister and I took our oldest boys to go trick-or-treating, which promised to be fun, right? E (my nephew) was already wound up, just champing at the bit for all the sugar he was about to consume... mine, he was clueless. (By the way, if you are wondering, they were both dressed up as Spiderman, Bear wearing E's last year's version, but they both seemed thrilled to be wearing the same thing). Anyway, Bear was not exactly sure what to think of the crowds of little kids gathering around various store vendors and getting candy. I'm not even sure at first if he knew he was GETTING any candy! However, he is brighter than I know, because after touring the mall for some time, he spotted two women off to the side holding a very small bumblebee baby, and he proudly went up to them, offered up his pumpkin bucket, reached in, and handed them a fistful of dum-dums. So sweet. I love my little boy, who always finds a way to give from his heart.
Pardon my sap!

Being still and quiet

I remember my sweet friend Brownie and I having a conversation about nursing after our firstborns had arrived, the gist being that nursing forced us to stop for a minute, stop whatever hectic-ness might be going on around us, because that was best for Baby. And it's true. There have been times when I most certainly have NOT appreciated the brakes on a project when Bunkin needs comfort or food, but in really having to sit down and focus on this sweet act of nutrition (both physical and emotional), I am better able to enjoy my baby, enjoy my role as udder Mommy. The extra experience I now have with two has helped me appreciate how short this time lasts, although having a demanding toddler and a little one has its challenges as well. We've all been sick this week, and both boys have subsequently been extra needy and extra cuddly, giving me many moments where I've had to just BE. Be Mommy. Be hugs. Be comfort. Be food. And all of this whether I felt like it or not. I've had many chances at being still, something I struggle with sometimes. At one point, as I was nursing Bunkin and he was just holding on, I knew that no matter what, I didn't want to be anywhere else at that moment. Definitely not cleaning the dishes, folding the laundry, or even browsing the Internet. I am grateful for the built-in timer that God has given me as a mommy to stop and be still and to know that he is God, Father, for how can I not see Him in the gifts he has given me, especially as I gaze at my children? And just for the record, the breast isn't the only way to stop and bond, it's just the one I have right now. And also for the record, I do not feel as mushy-gushy about nursing when I have a little piranha biting me or keeping me awake all night!

I've got friends in low places...

Actually, not me. All my friends are amazing and wonderful and funny and sweet.... most of the time! However, my son has a very strange penchant for befriending the oddest things. Yes, I said things. Some will remember Bear's friendship with JZHAW and BEPBR (that's two year old speak for salt and pepper), and that he would literally walk around with the large refill canisters of the salt and pepper, talking to them, trying to feed them, and inevitably pouring them out. (I finally got smart and emptied them into ziplock bags; he lost interest afterward... hmmmm) Well, his new friend is tall, dark, and um, full of garbage. Bear has been dragging around the garage garbage can--you know, the large sized one that has wheels and handles? Yup, that's his new buddy. And he's sitting in my living room. Having been invited to play with Bear and Bunkin. Bunkin just offered Can a block (and by offered, I mean threw away said block). Life is imaginative for a two year old, isn't it?

Bear feet

Bear is obsessed with his feet, toes in particular. I think he inherited my dislike of shoes (let me clarify; I wear flip-flops and other open shoes; I can't stand my fee to feel enclosed, even by socks) and he's your typical toddler prone to accidents. So he gets "bonks" on his feet. A lot. And apparently, kissed do just the trick to fix them right back up. He is constantly coming up to Hunny or I, extending his foot up in the air, and going "mmmmmm," which clearly translates as a request for a kiss on the sore spot. In a splurge on make-up, I bought some black nail polish for my toes, and painted them earlier in the week. Last night, as I was unwinding on the couch with my legs stretched over the side, Bear comes up to me and says, "Ewwwwww," really loudly and in pure toddler disgust, and then promptly bends over and kisses each and every single one of my toes! Can I just say Mommy-meltdown?

Labor Day Meme

Rocksinmydryer shared this fun meme about labor, and I thought it was kind of fun, and since I have nothing original to say, thought I'd blog about something!

How long were your labors?
Bear: 18 hours
Bunkin: around 11 hours

How did you know you were in labor?
Bear: scheduled induction date, the devilPitocin started immediately. Much to my chagrin.
Bunkin: water broke.

Where did you deliver?
Hospitals.

Drugs?
Bear: yes. Did I mention the Pitocin?? I held out for about 7 hours, finally getting Stadol and then got my epidural after around 12 hours.
Bunkin: nope! Went all natural for this one. Hurt.like.hell.

C-section?
Bear: sigh. Did I mention the Pitocin? (I'm sure I did!) Yes, I ended up with a C-section, but that is ok.
Bunkin: nope, had my VBAC!

Who delivered?
Bear: Dr. B whom I had a like-dislike relationship with.
Bunkin: My OB was caught in surgery, so I had a stranger doctor deliver me, which I was very very ok with!

If you want to play along with this meme, just cut and paste the questions into your own blog, and leave your link below.*

*I'm not actually sure if you're supposed to leave your link here or at Rocksinmydryer's so I say go there!

Coming up for air

We are officially in Texas now, and so far so good (I hate that phrase... it's a grammatical nightmare). Hunny is more convinced than ever as to why routines are wonder-workers, as Bear has settled down here almost without incident... and let me tell you, this kid has roo-teeens! Despite a change in scenery, he has been able to nap and eat pretty much at all the right times, and that has made my life so much easier while trying to unpack and organize the rest of our lives! A humorous side note about Bear's need for same-ness is when I first moved here with the boys, (Hunny followed 2 days later) we slept on the floor as our furniture was coming later in the week. Not really a big deal for Bunkin* because he sleeps with me anyway, but I was afraid that Bear would just be too wound up having Mama sleep near him. Anyway, we had our pallet made in the living room floor on a plush area rug left here, so I just kept the door to the hallway closed. I figured there was nothing to do in the rest of the house, so why bother going back there? Now that there are things in the bedrooms, however, I mindlessly keep the doorways to the rooms and hallway open, except the minute Bear sees them open, he runs to shut them! For the life of him, he only "knew" this house with those doors shut, so now he keeps them shut all the time, to my frustration sometimes!!! Also on the humorous Bear-front (totally different than bare-back, haha) is his pitter-pattering down aforementioned hall in the middle of the night. He has officially reached Big Boy status as he can climb out of the pack-n-play (ahem. the crib is still outside because it can't fit through the door. and we haven't taken it apart yet), so if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he crawls right on out and finds an enormous amount of fun jumping on DaddyBear on the couch. Did I mention I'm glad he hasn't tried this with me yet?
Aside from my house feeling in shambles and hating the sight of brown cardboard, I'm feeling at home here and can't wait to know my way around and to find friends, a church, and a good Mexican restaurant. Hunny and I are sadly disappointed in "authentic" Mexican food so far, although that's just as well because real Mexican food doesn't have a whole lot of vegetarian options anyway!
Ooooh, speaking of vegetarian (food being the connection), I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. Love it. Very thought-provoking, informative, and well-written. It makes me even more eager to find a farmer's market, co-op, or even a Whole Foods here!!! Also whittling away my unpacking time, I'm reading Irresistible Revolution (author currently unknown because the book is out of my line of vision), and it's equally thought-provoking but in an entirely different way! And Brownie, you will be sad and excited to learn that my knitting hiatus is over. I'm officially working on Helen's sweater again, but the sad part is that I had to rip out the whole thing and had to start over. But that's ok because I'm pretty excited to be knitting again, and hopefully as Bunkin takes better naps, I'll have larger chunks of time to work.
Ok, thats enough blogging miscellany for now... but I'm back, and have to give a shout out to high speed internet! I love you!
*Bunkin's name is Bunkin again... Monkey/C-Monkey weren't working for me online, because I am a creature of habit notice a trend? and I can't think of him as anything but Bunkin. However, in REAL life, he's now transitioned to TurTa, aka Turtle (or Tortuga if I'm feeling Spanish-y) because of his DARLING crawling pace. If crawling comes in a limp, that's what he's got: he drags his left knee under him, only using the right leg to project himself: so cute! Even cuter is Bear's imitation of Daddy saying "turtle." I digress. New animal name in real life, same old bloggy name in blogland.

Happy Birthday, Bear!

It's amazing what having children does, and how it prolifically changes every aspect of one's life. Giving birth was watching a miracle as well as letting go of my need to be in control since the birth process didn't happen the way I wanted it to go. But I'd say I'm 100% healed from my C-section, and bringing home Bear* has brought true joy into my home. While Hunny and I are still trying to figure out what parenthood means, we love Bear more than we could have imagined.
Now that he is one month old, it feels as if we've been doing this forever, but I also can't believe it's been four whole weeks. We're nowhere near perfect--never will be, and I confess I'm still trying to be self-reliant. When Bear looks up at me with his dark blue eyes, and I stroke his soft hair when he's feeding, I am amazed at what grace is. This little baby has done nothing in the world to be born, or to earn my love, and yet I love him so much I'd die for him... I'm beginning to get a better picture of my own Savior's sacrifice for me. I'm so grateful that Bear is alive, well, and in my life. [* names changed to keep in line with my blog]

Man, I wrote that journal entry a little less than two years ago, and I'm struck by several things: first, on a reminiscent note, I'd forgotten that his hair was the softest, silkiest hair imaginable! He had so much of it, too, still does, only now it's a lighter brown and so curly (who knew he'd have Curly Sue locks?). I also have to somewhat laugh at my sense of begrudging letting go of control--I was so mad that I ended up with an induced-labor-turned-cesaeraian! Little did I know that I would get pregnant much sooner than later (we found out when I was 9 months post partum that we'd expect another one) and that I'd get to have the natural, drug-free birth I'd so desperately wanted with Bear, and let me just say I was totally out of control! Letting go, though, is indeed still an issue for me as a parent. I want to do everything perfectly. I want to be a great (the best?) mom, and sometimes that is my idol. It's too easy to play at being God, and not BE Godly, when you are a mom (and especially a recovering perfectionist), isn't it? I know that just recently I called a friend to complain about what a rough morning I was having, and the sweet advice I got on the other end was to sing "This is the day that the Lord has made... Rejoice and be glad in it." Our Creator has made each and every day, and it is by His grace and doing that we are alive and blessed. In control I am not, yet He has given me charge over two little boys, to raise and teach and protect. On today, Bear's birthday, the reminder of Whose he is ever present in my mind, and I'm glad God has given me a chance to experience the awesome grace that being a mommy is!

My Slideshow 7/15/08

What's in a name?

As everyone is aware, in Real Life (you know, that place I go to escape the daily grind of Blogland ;) my sons' names are not Bear and Bunkin. Shocker, I know. Bear earned his moniker honestly by growling as a teeny one, melting our hearts. However, at some point much further down the road, I also started calling him Bunkin (I have a thing for nicknames, even to the point of elongating a name if it's only one syllable). So, when Bunkin(2) was on the way, I thought and thought about the possibilities. Alas, suffering from "Mommy brain" I could not think of anything new, so he got dubbed Bunkin, and Bear reclaimed the name of his infancy. Bunkin did eventually gain a name of his own, and we like to call him "C-bug cuteness." Not sure where the animal theme comes from, but let me just tell you, I think C-bug needs a new animal. Yes, he's got as many rolls as a rolly-polly (pill bugs for anyone not raised in the South), but that just seems too easy. Tonight it hit me. Literally. As I nursed my little guy to sleep, I had the thought that there is no way I could have been any other mammal in another life and had to nurse a whole litter. The pawing and shoving and arm batting and sheer force of movement involved in feeding a 6-month-old learning how his body works is ... um, annoying, to say the least. He's positively acrobatic. Like, for instance, a monkey, only he pinches my chest and attempts to stay latched while investigating that cool sound up on the ceiling, and oh! what was that? it was Big Brother, surely that requires a look, too, but mmmm, I'm still attached to mommy! My little monkey seems to flip, swing around, and do the twist on my boobs. So, I am hereby changing his online name to Monkey. I have a feeling Monkey-see/Monkey-do will be a factor as he observes Big Brother in life, so I might as well prepare myself for that now.

I am my Beloved's and he is mine (and the kids')

If you remember my other post mentioning beloved, you will know that the word holds a lot of precious sentiment. Well, my Beloved is not only my sweet husband, he is one of the greatest dads I know. A portion of his story includes growing up in a "broken" home; his dad left his mom and two brothers when he was ten-old enough to remember being rejected, and old enough to know the sigh of relief that his mom was no longer in danger. I also grew up with a less-than-savory dad. Both Hunny and I have a clear picture of Who Not To Be. We also know who we are fashioned after, and by whose grace we are different. I should share my story of how Hunny and I met sometime, but for now I will say that after a terrible break-up, I decided to write one of those "lists" of qualities very important to me in a mate. I wrote everything from eye color (green, yum) to work ethic to family oriented. Hunny fits the list perfectly; I could not not have hand-picked him any better, and the amazing thing is God is solely responsible for bringing us together! What amazes me now, two years into marriage and parenthood, is what I did not think to put on the list, yet without them, I'd be lost:
For instance, how Hunny lets me sleep in on weekends because I've awakened early with the boys while he's been out of town. Or how he rubs my back each and every time I ask him to without a complaint (and very well, I might add--he used to be a masseuse-in-training). Or how he gives up everything for his boys, and takes such pride in them. He works so hard to provide a life different than the one he grew up in, and that includes sacrifice by taking a traveling job and long hours spent away from those he loves dearest. And yet I've never seen a grown man play like such a kid! You should see Bear's eyes light up when he sees Daddy after a trip, or his squeals of delight as Daddy does the Swanton Bomb on Bear (I've been told this is a highly-evolved wrestling move that only a few can master), or how he softens in the most tender of touches as he willingly changes Bunkin's diapers or bathes him, or rocks him to sleep (and by rock, I do mean the obvious: singing old 80's hair ballads and heavy metal anthems!). Hunny told me before we (weren't supposed to) knew what gender Bear was that "it was over" if we were having a little boy, and now we have two--I would have it no other way because I'm learning that fart really does equal funny, that picking your nose is supposed to embarrass mom, and that Daddy-hero worship is one of the most beautiful things I will ever witness. I'm so proud, and blessed, to be married to a man I could only have dreamed of, and I'm humbled beyond belief at how Hunny is a reflection to our boys what The Father is to us. Happy Father's Day, Sweetheart.

Kids say the darndest things!

Bear is 22 months old and has about 5 words and a few syllabic sounds that sound the same in all his jibberish, for example: "jsss" (cheese), "jusss" (juice), and I think that's about it. It does take a practiced ear to discern these interesting syllables, and that's coming from Me, Mamabear. When we ask him to say certain items, he often simply repeats this "js" sound, so it's hard to tell what he means or thinks he's saying. Well, Tio, Bear's godfather, gave our family a zoo pass, and Monday I decided we needed to get out of the house. I bundled up Bear and Bunkin, we go but only to find that every single school is on field trip there, so we turn to leave. I strap Bear into his carseat, he points to the school buses all lined up and yells out an emphatic "Jssss!"
'Nuff said!

Snapshots of a mommy

You know how the hypothetical question goes:if an alien were to come to Earth, what conclusions would they come up with based on a limited scenario? I laughed at the walk-away possibilities yesterday as I realized I spent the majority of my day sitting cross-legged on the couch nursing Bunkin. That alone is not all that humorous; however, the fact that I had my boob hanging out of my shirt all day is. I didn't realize how much I tend to do other things when nursing him, and so when he'd fall asleep, I just kept doing my thing....oops. Hope the aliens weren't taking pictures!
I saw a list online somewhere (wish I could link it for you, but I can't remember where I saw it) asking moms what they'd had to say goodbye to since having kids. Some of the responses were taking showers before noon, talking coherently, trim bodies and perky breasts (of which I've never know the fortunes of, believe me!), etc. Someone else then suggested what are the things you've gotten to say hello to since having a baby, and I like this line of thinking so much more, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite things since having my own two beautiful boys.
~ Learning the power housed within my own body to be able to carry and deliver a healthy child. God is amazing!
~ Smiles that can literally bring you to tears (did I mention Bunkin is smiling all the time now?!)
~ How big little hands are; Bear thinks he can do anything.... stack blocks, open the refrigerator, even grab the gallon of milk when he's thirsty, but he still needs Mommy's hand to walk down the stairs, and he still volunteers hugs when he is feeling cuddly. And Bunkin's little fingers are so tiny, but he has a GRASP!
~ While my own laguage skills have devolved, I have learned the intricate complexities of baby babbling.
~ The sweetest smell in the world: a clean baby!

What are your favorite things?

Sleep

sleep: [noun], the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored.
~periodic is the understatement of the year~
I couldn't decide what this entry should be called: Ode to sleep, or perhaps, Eulogy: to Sleep. sigh Will I ever sleep again I ask myself after nights like last night. Such is life with 2 little ones, and I know this, but it is entirely different to know and to appreciate! But to help everyone else out there who does not perhaps appreciate the sleep they are getting each night, I will recount last night's adventures. Being Valentine's, and the fact that Hunny and I have been running around crazily this week, I was looking forward to a quiet evening, perhaps even some snuggling on the couch. Bunkin slept for a full 4 hours in the afternoon to my delight, as I knew that meant he'd be ready for bed a little earlier than usual. So after dinner and Bear's bath, Bunkin looked promisingly drowsy.... but we were all fooled. Fooled, but not hopeless, not until much much later. Would you believe this little man stayed awake until 1:30 this morning? He was so wide awake and so charming, I can't be TOOO angry with him, but it still means there were 3 of us on the couch instead of the hoped-for 2! I gave in to my own need to sleep and lo, Bunkin joined me thereafter. Bear wakes up at 3 with a piercing scream, but falls back to sleep just minutes later, only to reawaken at 5 and this time he was not giving up. I'm not a fan of CIO at all, but I was desperate for sleep, and still could only handle about 30 min of persistent crying. So I get him and we go downstairs, and I send Hunny upstairs to keep Bunkin asleep. I miraculous get my little Bear to fall asleep on me, something he has not done since he was 9 months old, but the little wiggle worm kept me up kicking me and writhing around for another 35 minutes til
Hunny and Bunkin come downstairs because Daddy cannot supply milk. So we were all up, at 6:30..... And now I am just amazed at the conniving energy of two little boys to keep mommy and daddy from sleeping in! As a girl who grew up without boys around, I've always been afraid of the teenage boy years, but I am looking forward to sleeping by then (since I hear teen boys sleep a LOT!).
Ok, complaining done...
Valentine's is a completely over-rated holiday; I'm a big fan of the conspiracy theory of the card companies, lol. All in all, it is nice, tho, to just sit back and think about all those you love and by whom you are loved, and again, I'm so thankful for my gorgeous family. There are very few things that warm the heart more than Bear reaching around and squeezing so tightly in a hug that wasn't even asked for, or for Bunkin's little smiles and coos, or the trust I have in my husband to provide and love and honor me. Those are life's true treasures. Oh, and sleep.

Some times, Daddies know everything!

Monday was my 2-year anniversary, and as I sat at the table with my Hunny, I felt so blessed to have had the time I've had with him. Marriage at it's best has still been hard, but it's been truly wonderful. Hunny and I were praying before our course of gnocchi, and he said something that struck me as truly profound. He said "Thank you for letting us make mistakes." WOW.
If a person were to observe me parenting Bear and Bunkin, they'd quickly learn that I do not like mistakes, especially when they belong to other people!! It's so much easier to hold Bear's spoon than to let him hold it himself, but where does he learn in that? And that's just a spoon! How will I feel when he drives, and possibly wrecks, his first car? or dates that first girl? What about teaching him other worldviews so that he truly learns to love? It's going to be hard for me to let go, but I guess that's why God is God and I am not! I'd make a very terrible God... but that's good news for everyone else!
On a side note, dinner was delicious and such a luxury to sit through three courses and actually taste the food and not end up wearing it! Thanks so much to Am for babysitting!