The inner circle

I have been doing some journal-reading from a former season of my life, and I have been in quite a contemplative state. I'm relieved that I actually see growth in my life and inner spirit, and a little frustrated that I see a lot of the same issues going on as well! In an effort to process some of that stuff, I will probably be sharing some of the journal entries or subjects, but for now I have to share something I came across. I did not write it, and like a goose, I did not write down where I got it, who wrote it or anything. (And I was an English major, of all things! OOPS! I'm also writing it how I transcribed it, so I apologize for any errors.)

If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other people do things which He will not let you do...
Others may boast of themselves, of their work, and their successes, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.
Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.
The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small; He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it; but He will make you work and toil without knowing how much you are doing; then, to make your work still more precious, He may let others get credit for work you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.
The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings or for wasting time, which other Christians never feel distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.
Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hands, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now, when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

Wow, huh? Those words must have resonated then, and they still do. I needed to hear that He is in control, not to be a tyrant but to love me with an Everlasting Love.
And can I just say that the idea of being His special fruit that grows in the shade is just the loveliest image? If anyone out there is an artist, I'd love to see that portrayed somehow!