Dr. Diet and Mrs. Hide my Bottom, please

Ummm, I'm a horrible dieter. I think the problem is in that word, "diet." Or at least that's what all the diet books would have you believe. So I've been attempting to do the lower-carb approach again to kick-start my weight-loss efforts (and RESULTS), but I suck at this. I always want what I want: you know, the whole have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too syndrome. But I literally want to have my cake. And eat it. And the fries. And the chocolate. I think I have a problem.
The thing is, other than wanting sweets (every minute of every day), a high-fat/low-carb diet should be great because of all the flavor options. However, I am not a historically good meat eater, I don't like eggs, and I insist on eating vegetables and fruit. The benefits of this diet are butter, mayonnaise, and cheese. With these three condiments, I ought to be able to muster down anything else, right?
Last night's dinner was actually really yummy. I bribed Hunny into grilling chicken breasts, and even though he'd just come in from playing a soccer game and was sunburned to a crisp, he still slaved over the smoking grill as well as kept Bear from too much trouble-making. While that was going on, I prepared the creamy mashed cauliflower, and it was amazing. Between the chili rubbed chicken and heart attack inducing agent, er, heavy-cream-laced cauliflower, there was flavor galore. I could get used to this! (I might add that the texture of the cauliflower was dreamy thanks to my new blender/processor kitchen gadget!)
Now, if I could just stop waking up in the morning desiring a sabotage-chip cookie, that would be great.